It's good to look back how far we came from and understand where we are going
2011 was a roller coaster ride. For me and a few of my friends. We fought, we fell, and we got back up.
I finished two more Ironman, I made new best friends, and I helped getting people to cross the Ironman finish line. I made a book and sung a song to the girl I like. I laughed, I cried, and I broke down, but the most important thing is I grew. I found people that I can talk to and people found me. One of my friend told me if I wasn't there for her she would of destroy herself... I thought that was very sweet. Toward the end of the year a few things got overwhelmed so I ended up talking to my doctor and my therapist friends about things that trouble me. There were not there to change me, they were there to listen and help me pick the path that I want to go. Every time I want to give up on my believe, someone always came along and gave me a little push. I am very thankful to talk to one of my friend that connect most of the dot together. She helped me understand things that most of us don't. She taught me how to understand and be a friend.
I learned that if people are drowning in a big lake, you don't necessarily need to keep trying to pull them to the shore because that's may not be what they wanted and it will only burn you out. Sometime they just want someone to swim next to them so they can breath a little. I kept trying to pull people to shore because I don't want them to drown. Not knowing I was actually drowning them myself by overwhelming them. That was the biggest thing I learned in 2011.
In a way my struggles are all positive. Growth does not happen in comfort. Growth come from struggle. What I struggled help me become a better person. It helped me understand more about people that I care. It helped me relearn how to be there for people when they need me. It taught me you don't need to help people to change for the better because they are not happy, sometime all you need is to just be there for them and listen.
I did not intend to change anyone in 2011, I just wanted to help them to see what they are missing. Sometime they don't believe why I was there for them so I rolled up my sleeves and let them bite me until I bleed. I even let them drove a knife into my heart so they get the point. That's why I sounded destructive at times.
Do I want to 'save' people? No. do I want to 'change' people? No. I just want my friends to be happier and believe in themselves. Did I get frustrated at times? Yes. Am I trying to become a better friend? Yes.
My ultra coach made the group write down our fail and success for 2011 and what we want to accomplish in 2012. In 2011 I fail to make someone happy. In 2011 I was able to understand someone better, that is actually my biggest accomplishment. As for 2012, I need to slow down.
I found myself, I lost myself, and I rediscovered myself. Looking back it was a meaningful year for me. I wouldn't have it any other way.
2012 is going to be a year of challenge. I am going to run a 50 mi run in Feb, a 100km run in May, and... wait for it. Angeles Crest 100 mi trail race in July.
Let's see what the 2012 journey will take me.
Whenever we are feeling down, let's ask ourselves if we are ok. Here is a song that I really like. Thanks Nina!
Kristy Are You Doing Ok (The Off Spring)
Happy New Year. Keep fighting for what you believe in 2012.
Louis
thank you for sharing
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