I am actually not even sure if I should mention the word 'sober' in this blog. Being sober is a big commitment. Often they (people who drink and cannot stop themselves from drinking) were in some really dark places and they decided to change their life by being sober. Along with other programs and supports, these people work really hard to get to where they are. And they continue to work hard in a daily basis. My casual association between being sober and being soda sober almost sound like an insult to my friends who stay sober. But it's really important for me to make the association... the whole reason why this blog is created to being with.
Over the year I learned one universal truth. You cannot make people change. You can lead a cow to the lake, but you cannot make the cow drink the water. From my coaches, from my mental health specialist friends, from my dietitian, from my sober friends...etc You can be there for someone, but you cannot make people change. They need to do it for themselves.
We all (myself included) do things to ourselves that are not in our best interests at some capacity. We are very aware of what we are doing but we do it anyway. Often our action affect negatively to others. Yet we don't want to change a thing. Some think they are powerless again whatever that they need to get rid of. Some continue to do what they do as coping mechanism, as a way to numb what troubles them. Some lone for the care of others, some feel overwhelm, and some simply want to just put problems under a carpet.
No matter what it is, our 'bad' habit eventually lead us deeper into the rabbit hole. Things are apparent from talking to my friends and by listening to audio book such as In the Water They Can't See You Cry: A Memoir and Finding Ultra: Rejecting Middle Age, Becoming One of the World's Fittest Men,and Discovering Myself. Both Amanda Beard (Olympic Swimmer) and Rich Roll (Ultra Man) had problems with drugs/alcohol issues. They finally wanted to do something about it and got back on their feet. While my issues are mainly with food and some other things, I can related to them because we all struggle in a similar way. I can relate because I have friends that I care about with similar struggles.
For me, my switch has bee turning on and off. One day I want to eat better, one day I don't. My problem is not so much about the change of habit, but it's about something deeper, something mental. As if we are trying to bucket water out from a wooden leaking boat, we eventually will sink because there are just too much water going in the boat. Eating better and stop drinking are like bucketing water out of the boat. These action will help us turn around, but if we don't plug the hole on your wooden point, all effort will eventually fail no matter how hard we tried. Some are very good at bucketing the water out and focus their energy on goals so people think that their boat does not leak... but it still does. Some can't find the leaks, and they eventually decided to jump off the boat =( If you watch TV, there are a lot of quick fit available to help you lose weight, but to me... they are all just buckets... different size of bucket. We can never plug away all our problems, but I think we all have the ability to bring our problem under control. At least that's how I interpret it.
I don't really know how, but I found the leak one day and plugged it. It just happened. Actually it didn't just happened, I have been working hard on my issues and identified my triggers (the leaks). So while I am working on the mental aspect of things, my habit is changing. There are many who offer support, there are also a lot of naysayer out there. I don't think the 'I prove you wrong' mentally is healthy for me because that will harbor hate and angry, so I just try to ignore them and focus on the task at hand. They can laugh at me for my failures, but they should not discourage me from trying again. Cutting 'all' soda is somewhat easy because I found myself having difficulty controlling myself if I allow myself to drink diet soda. Everyone is different so we need to find out what works and what doesn't work for us. While our coach, our dietitian, our mental health specialist, our financial adviser, our AA group, our doctor, our friends...etc can help us with our goal (or rather recovery), it is up to us to find out what works for us and that we need to put effort into things that we need to change. These supportive people can only be here to facilitate our changes. We do not need to trade one bad habit for another one, we can replace a bad habit with a good one.
This will take time and result will come slow. But we all need to be patience. After all, going to fast too soon always lead to injury.
Some told me they are broken and they cannot change. I bet them otherwise. They need to believe themselves and believe in the one that care about them.
I made other progress and I want to share that with my friends. But I will save that for another blog.
Part of this blog is inspired by Sober Ironman/Ultra Marathoners such as Amy and Dolores along with many others (who I have not ask permission to publish their names). Good Job for staying sober =)
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| Don't be like this guy, plug the hole first =) |
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