Firetrails 50 - A message from my dear friend

Dedicating this post in memory of my Marisela.

To all the people that was trying to reach me on Sat and was driving you guys crazy because no one can get a hold of me. Thank you.

I have my reasons for doing Firetrails and I decided to train under the radar. A few people know and I think that's good enough. I wasn't planning to tell the world that I finish (or didn't finish). But because of Mari's passing I want to share my thoughts... especially the last section of the race.

I got to San Francisco on Friday (10/12) and met up with my partner in crime Anna. We checked out the starting area, picked up something at the supermarket, ate dinner, and went back to the hotel to prepare. As what I have done the last few races, I got a new 'key chain' or 'small stuff animal' to tie it to my backpack. It keep me motivate because I usually want to give them to someone afterward. I always feel like my 'energy' will get transfer to the item and bring good energy to that person. Eg. I ran Santa Monica 50km and gave Erin a bear. I told her that this will help her heal (and to my credit she did). I did not have anyone in my mind this time, but I decided on a pig anyway. I literally was trying to bring the bacon home =P


I talked to Vitapanda Kevin and Angeles Crest 100 finisher Christian about Firetrail as they both did it before. Hike the uphill, run the flat, and run the downhill. Pace myself for the first half.  Prepare for the big hill when I get to the turn around. Manage my nutrition... I added myself.

I decided to do the early start to give myself 14 hours. I figure it took me 13 1/2 hours at Ray Millers so 14 hours should be enough time for Fire Trail. I started the race at 5:30am.

The course go like this, you start off by doing half the lake, then out to mi 26, back the same way until you hitBort Meadow at (44.1), then you continue on a little bit, go around the other side of the lake and finish.

Lake Chabot Pine Cove Picnic Area (Mi 0) to turn around at Tilden Park (Mi 26) - Delta 26mi
I started off easy and I was at a good pace.  Hills were very very steep but I managed. I ate a lot of boiled potato and potato chips at the aid stations.  I skipped the first 2 aid stations but I have enough aid on me that I didn't need anything from the aid stations.  For the next few hours I just pace myself and mentally prepare for the second half.  There are a lot of gradual downhill on the second half so I figure I will make up some time there.

A few hours later I made it to the turn around.  I took more time than I expected but I didn't care as much.  I  refilled my nutrition, changed my sock, resupplied my pack and took off.  I also met Coach Jimmy's brother in law Stan (brother in law right Jimmy?), who's sweeper of the day.

I have a little over 7 hours to run the remaining 24 miles.

Tilden Park (Mi 26) to Skyline Gate (Mi 37) - Delta 11 mi
After I started running back I realized that other runners are passing me on the hills.  Of course, I started an hour before them and so even though we are at the same place they are actually a lot faster than me. A lot of it is steep and technical so it took me a long time to get through this section. Hey it seems forever too.  Toward the end I passed a few people before I got to mile 37.  I called mile 37 the end of a tunnel because things will get easier (more flat) once I pass Skyline Gate.  When I got to the aid station the guy said I can only stay there for one minute before the cut off.  I was happy to make the cut off, but at the same time now I really need to push hard to make the next one. I stuffed some boiled potato into my face and left the aid station.

Skyline Gate (Mi 37) to Big Bear Gate (Mi 41.5) - Delta 4.5 mi
As soon as I started running the downhill of Skyline gate a woman passed me on lighting speed. I later learned that her name is Janeth.  Now I am officially the last participant of the race.  I do not listen to music during my race because I can focus on the feedback of my body. Nurtition - good. ankle and knee - good. blister - none. cramps - none. bone - good. body temp - not overheating. running - it hurt... muscle related.  ... legs were probably trashed.

By that time it was already passed 4 pm.  I didn't really remember how fast I need to run to make the cut offs but I know I need to take advantage of the flat to catch up sometime.  Something tell me to run with the pain to buy myself sometime... so I did.  It was right then I discovered the hurt locker.  One advice that the 100 miles ultra marathoners constantly tell me is that I need to ignore the pain and keep on moving.  I know the theory and all, but I finally understand what they meant.  I was amazed by how fast I can run after 37 something odd miles, and I am puzzled of how I can do it.

This went on for a while and I caught an older lady.  Only when I am writing this blog that I found out her name is Mari (so from now on I will refer Mari the racer as Mari and my friend as Marisela until the end of the race, then I'll refer Marisela as Mari).  I actually caught Mari a while ago. But every time I did, she will kick my ass on the uphill.  Then I will catch her at the downhill if I push it.  'I hate downhill!' as she put it. At mi 40.6 (according to my watch), I was going uphill again and Mari disappeared. At the sametime Stan the sweeper caught up to me and confirmed that I am in fact the last person in the race.  He said something about getting in and out of Big Bear Gate as I only have a short amount of time to go from Big Bear Gate to the next check point. It's possible, but I need to push it.

When I got to the Big Bear Gate aid station, people told me to go in and out.  The volunteer refilled my water while I grabbed two bars. I put one in my handheld pocket and one in my running pack pocket.  I have been doing that this race so I can eat something when I go uphill.

Janeth left the aid station, followed by me, and followed by Mari.  Somewhere between when I saw Stan and at the aid station. I was told that I have like 40 or 45 mins to get to the next aid station which is 2.6 miles  away. F@#$ me I don't think I can make it... there is a mountain between Big Bear Gate and Bort Meadows!  I wanted to just call it a day.  I have been chasing cut off and I probably won't make the next one.  I didn't tell anyone on FB so I don't have to explain why I yet DNF another race.  No one have expectation.  I don't even have expectation.  I feel like I have a good chance but that's about it. I wanted to finish this race to qualify for Ultra Trail Mt Fuji but it seems like I am just going to get cut off at the next aid station.  And I am already proud of what I am doing.  At Angeles Crest 100 I went into the last section knowing that I will get cut off. I did that for my crew because I told them I will not stop unless I get cut off.  No one is here. No one is watching. No one is pacing me. No one is crewing me.  Yet I kept going. I don't know why, I just did.

Big Bear Gate (mi 41.5) to Bort Meadows (mi 44.1) Delta 2.6 mi
Did I say uphill? Mari passed me after a few minutes... disappeared into the distance.  Me?  I caught up with Janeth.  She was struggling on the uphill.  I was very slow on the uphill.  And for her to be slower, she must be really struggling.  I wanted to help her, so I grabbed her wrist and pull her up the mountain.  It was then that I found out she did Rio Del Lago 100 the week before. She told me she should of do the early start.  I said you should of stay home and chill!  Eventually I let her go after she picked up some speed and I continue to focus on getting on top of this freaking long ass hill.

After like 30 minutes I finally got to the top. now I have 10 minutes (or whatever time I have because I did not really remember what the guys told me about the cut off).  I hope the remaining section is less than like a mile. the less the better.  I started to run down the hill like a mad man, passing someone along the way. 3 minutes left (with my imaginary cut off)... where is the damn aid station. A minute later (what felt like hours) I got to the aid station.  I gave someone my bottle to fill.  They were just looking at me so I asked the aid station if I make the cut off. "Well if you promise me you'll run like the way you come down then we'll let you go". I don't really know what that means. Did I not make the cut off or are they trying to scare me?  I said I will and I took off before they change their mind.

Bort Meadows (mi 44.1) to Clyde Woolridge Staging Area (mi 45.5) Delta 1.5 mi
1.5 mi??? it seems like 3mi!  I was running with Mari for a bit and I just keep on focusing on increasing my pace.  Before we get to aid station, we climbed another hill. WTF.

Everyone stop at the aid but me.  My watch said like mi 46.3 or something like that. 3.7 miles with 1 hour and 10 minutes left... not bad I think.  I think the other side of the lake doesn't have a lot of bump (which proven to be wrong) and I should be ok.  But wait... GPS watches is always off. I should ask the aid station where we ACTUALLY are. You are at mi 45.5. 4.5 more miles to go. 1 + 1 = 3... hmm F#@$.  Well bad news... but at least now I know exactly how much time I have left and how much longer do I need to go.

Clyde Woolridge Staging Area (mi 45.5) to the Finish (mi 50) Delta 4.5 mi
Since I don't know what's ahead of me and my fried brain can't do math, I try to run as fast as I can... then I got tired and start walking near this guy. "Thanks for the encouragement earlier, that really helps. I am doing my first 50 milers"... this one I couldn't figure his name from the result... maybe we can call him yellow shirt.  so I started running with yellow shirt and he seem to got a burst of energy after a while, and he took off with his pacer.  Meanwhile I either caught Janeth or she caught me I don't remember but we started running together.  We pushed each other and we were going faster and faster.  How the hell did I do a 8:30 pace now (well I didn't do an actual 8:30 pace for a mi but you get the point). Where is all these energy come from?  I don't know but I kept on running.  There were a few 'bump' here and there.  That drove Janeth crazy. Well it did on me too but I just accepted it.

After a while Janeth's friend was running toward us and told us we only have like 3/4 of a mi to go. I am like can we trust this guy and she said yes. I looked at the time and I know we can make it.  We pushed hard and crossed the finish line together.

At the Finish
I gave Janeth a hug and I gave Anna a hug.  Apparently Anna changed her clothes so she was like don't hug me. It was more like I am just drained mentally and I wanted her to just be there as a support =P. Pushing myself to beat cutoff for the last 13 miles was mentally draining.  I got a shirt, a goodies bag and a Firetrail 50 wineglass.

I know I will get very cold so I found my check bag and put on my down jacket while Anna go find me a hamburger at the finish line.  I opened those chemical hand warmers to let them heat up.

I powered up my phone and saw a few texts from people.  Because I just turned on my phone, all my texts said 7:34pm. Coach Brad - Please call me asap. Elsa - Call me!!! I am like... what's going on???   Well I am sure they didn't get what they needed from me because they probably text me a while ago.

I text "what up", "I cant talk til an hour later" to Elsa. message failed to delivery. Great.  I'll see what's going on when I get to the car. I need to get warm first.

"what up" to Brad. messaged failed.  I can't talk til maybe another hour later. This one went thru at 7:44 pm.

I know the handful of people were wondering if I finish.  So I updated my status to 'Yes, that is all'. I figured they will get it.

Elsa called me and told me the news. Tushar to follow up with another phone call.  I was shaking when I talked to them because I was so cold.  I told them I just did a 50 miles race and I am very cold.  I told them I will talk to them tomorrow.  I didn't think that they were kidding.  Maybe I am drained from the race, maybe I am trying to not believe it.  I don't know.  I didn't know what to do.  I told Anna and she just talked to me.

On Sunday I told Sean (Godfather Sean as I call him) because he is also training for Ironman Azriona, his first Ironman.

Monday
I took a day off and drove to Mari's memorial site after I landed.  It was only after I got home that I am able to grief the lost of a wonderful friend.

The later half of Firetrail 50 and beyond
During/after the race I question myself. How come I can run this fast the last few miles?  Where is the strength come from? Why didn't I just call it a day?  I know it's from me.  The inner Louis strength that I didn't know exist.  Maybe I just 'level up'?  But it's just so out of the ordinary.  I never pushed so hard in a race before.  Never.

It sounds crazy.  I didn't tell Mari about this 50 miles race. Yet I felt like this is a sign.  As if she gave me her strength after her passing in the early afternoon.  As if she wanted me to finish the race so at least I have one good news in a day instead of two bad one.  Maybe it was her way to say thank you after all the support I gave her as a friend and as an experienced athlete.  At least this is how I would like to explain my strength during the later part of Firetrail 50.

Maybe it is also Mari that gave me strength at the Nike Women's Marathon to take pictures for the Team In Training participants.  How was I able to run ahead of all these participants to take pictures of them after I ran the a 50 milers the day before. I wasn't tired (sure the muscle hurt), my feet wasn't even swollen, I didn't take an ice bath, I didn't put on my compression socks, I didn't even stretch.  Here I was, running around as Pikachu and taking pictures of people like I did for the Team In Training San Gabriel Valley Marathon, the East Side Tri Team (Don't get technical on me people, it was East Side Tri Team when she was in there), and the Ironteam.

It doesn't matter rather I am taking pictures as Pikachu, as Panda, or as myself.  It doesn't matter if I am taking pictures of food, friends, family, teammates, or during travel... Team In Training, Coyotes, Squareone, TriTrain or Arkday's running group.  It doesn't matter if I am using a phone camera, a compact camera, a digital SLR, or whatever new technology that may come along in the future. I like to think that Mari will be seeing what I see through my camera lens.  I gotten pretty good at chasing after people and take pictures of them when they run.  I am going to continue to do so.  This is the best way for me to honor and remember Marisela.  Just know that when I point my camera at you, you need to run faster and have a bigger smile.  This is one of my way to remember and celebrate Marisela's life.

I miss my dear friend Marisela.  I am honored to show her what I know about triathlon (except swimming) and that she came to me when she was burned out because she needed a pep talk.  And that she takes my opinions very seriously.  I know she wants to make me proud.

Marisela, I am always proud of you.  I seen you grow. I know.

As I said on my status, I been through a lot of rough batches in 2012.  But I would never change a thing because we learn from the good times but especially the bad (words I borrow from Emily).  I think good and bad things happen for a reason and I wouldn't live my life any different if I can pick something different.

Your passing, however, is the exception.  I wish there are things I can do to reverse what happened.

I let the Firetrails 50 pig for Mari on Monday but I took it back Tue night. Piggy is not stopping at 50 miles race. Piggy is going to be with me at an one hundred mile race.  I am keeping the piggy for the meantime until I finish a 100.

Marisela's family asked that in lieu of sending funds or flowers to the family, that you can make a donation in Marisela's honor to Team In Training. In this way, we can carry forward her spirit of generosity.

Please send in your donations via the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society below. It's tax deductible

Click here to donate

Thank you for being part of my life.

xoxo

Louis

A few pictures I found...

A picture of the Kit Kat that I gave to Marisela for her First Triathlon in 2010. Kit Kat is often bought as good-luck gifts in Japan as the brand name echoes the Japanese Phrase "Kitto Katsu", roughly translating as "Surely Win". I gave also Marisela Kit Kat for Ironman Canada.  This is the same reason why I eat Katsu Don (Fried Pork Cutlet Rice Bowl) before the a big race. Katsu... to win.

Aug 15, 2012 (Wed) - Griffith Park Zoo Parking Lot.  She was doing her training. I met her after work to give her the Ironman Canada Kit Kats.  She asked me if one of her tires is ok. I told her to take it off the tire, check it, and refill it with CO2. She was like nooo I need to run after the bike.  She gave me a 'shit face' and did it anyway. I gave the Kit Kat to her, Kelly and a few others who were doing their first Ironman.  Mari asked me after the event if she can still eat the chocolate because she didn't finish the event. EAT IT as I recall yelling over TEXT.

Mari and I cheering at Vineman 2011. Mari as the Japanese Green Monster and I as VitaPanda.

Vineman 70.3 2011 with Team In Training Ironteam. Annette in the team wanted a mini goat at the finish line so I found a pinatas that looks like a goat. In my typical fashion I named the goat after my first Ironteam Coach Paul so I started telling everyone that this is 'Pet Paul'.

Sept 27, 2012 - Sushi Gen with Rachel, Elsa, Nestor and Kelly - The last picture I took of Marisela.  Initially the dinner was setup because Kelly got me something from Ironman Canada and wanted to give it to me before she head to work in Europe (She's still in Europe but she is trying to get back to the state to attend Mari's service =) ) and we extended the invite to a few other people.  At the end I did not get any Ironman Canada stuff because Kelly left them all on her table and forgot to put it in her car.  I didn't get anything, but I am so glad... so glad that I had dinner with Marisela.